Balance is the Key

It feels like it's been ages since I've posted...probably because it has been. I've battled with personal stuff but I also needed to take a break from the work I do. Working with police brutality victims as well as women who have been victimized because they made a responsible, legitimate and non-criminal choice, along with other victims, does begin to wear me down. The last time this happened I ended up in the hospital due to exhaustion. This time I'm trying to keep everything "balanced" or at least a bit more than before.

I've had a dog all of my life until an 'incident' late last year. The hole in my heart I felt needed to be filled so I've adopted another rescue dog and I love her. She definitely has lifted my spirits and helps me maintain a more positive balance when working with such a sad reality. She is a constant good in my life and I am so thankful I found her. I still need to teach her how to walk on a leash/harness, however, so if anyone has any tips for teaching a traumatized dog how to walk without terrifying them...please do drop me a line.

All in all, I plan on writing here of course but also I will be moving all of my blogs over to blogger within the next few days. As for this blog it is going to remain open with any and all subjects open to discuss.

Be Yourself and Be Proud... Random-

For many years I've tried to be a "day person"- someone who manages to get work or hobbies completed by the end of the day, using the night hours for sleep. I've failed at this time and time again. From sunrise to sunset I find myself lethargic, more depressed than usual and all sorts of negative emotions.

As soon as the sun begins to fall, I begin to feel my spirits lift; my soul starts to come alive and I can function. While

When Your Hero Falls...

 No amount of neglect, abandonment or abuse, regardless of the type, can hurt the soul more than seeing a loved one being abused in any form. It's at any age but the younger it starts the harder it is to cope; not to mention how it leaves the soul and brain physically damaged- just hearing or listening!

Taking it a step further, when it is the person whom you love; the person who refused to let you live in foster care or on the streets; the one you deem your primary care taker even if they struggle they at least try to take care of you. This soul is the kind of soul the world lacks; one that is truly kind, gentle, warm, accepting, nurturing and loving. You want to do anything you can to save them from what you see; from the horrible threats and words shouted...but you can't.

Silently hidden and watching, you

Cloudy Day...

Outside my window the grey clouds seem a bit intimidating. I prefer days like this; cloudy, the smell of rain and the wonder of if any is actually going to come. On this day, however, the colorless sky reminds me much of my heart, my emotions.

Events of childhood, even in infancy, make up who we are so much and the ghosts from the past rarely want to let go. I stay away from the memories as much as possible, but when there are triggers everywhere you look it becomes hard to deal with. Even if successful at blocking out the triggers it's likely you'll have to cope with them, and they can sometimes be almost as bad as having a flashback.

Emotionally I can still feel how it felt when my biological parents each independently left, every last time. I don't just remember how it felt, I feel it all over again. So anything that one could construe as abandonment or being unwanted is a huge trigger some days while most days I've grown to learn to handle what is being thrown at me. There are days when I am weaker than others- these are the days the grey skies cover up any hope of a colorful vision. Everything seems so dull, but I refuse to focus on it.

Instead, I've decided today is a day I will spend hidden in my room with books and blankets and plenty of things to write with. Books open up an entire new world and that's where I'd like to be right now.

There is a quote that says something along the lines of, "some days if you just survive you have accomplished something great"- I'm paraphrasing that greatly but that is how today, and the past few days, have felt. I want no pity, no sympathy, none of that. Again, another part of my journey so thought I'd share. I have a feeling I'll be writing more later. For now I am off to read!

The Game of Thrones, Series 1 Book VS TV Series

I have a feeling most people are not going to like my view of the TV version of the Game of Thrones. To each their own. Additionally, people may think my review of the show and preference towards the book is a bit harsh or prudish.

On the contrary, it is because the book has such a wonderful plot, the characters are so distinguished as opposed to going off course with the story (see below regarding Bran's fall, for example) and having random, useless and thoughtless scenes thrown in as 'entertainment' that has made me feel as I do towards the show. It is easily a triggering TV series for survivors whereas the book isn't. Why was there a need for a change?

As a gift I received the first five books in the Game of Thrones series. I began reading and fell in love the story. The books thus far have had an amazing and in depth story to tell; yes, it does include sex but nothing over the top and by far not of great frequency. Finally, the Game of Thrones built up incredible and distinct characters; something the show is failing to do. The book series is easily is one of my favorite to date. I was a bit apprehensive to read them as I recall when the show first aired on HBO I knew it wouldn't be a show I'd like for many reasons; the main two being, I'm not a huge fan of television anyway and it looked to be just another story filled with pointless sex and nudity.

Random Update on Future Posts

When I was in my early teens I would go to every thrift store possible, garage sales, any book store that was having a sale, looking for books on writing. The ideal book I was looking for were college text books with questions to be answered in an essay or writers books with writers prompts in them. Not because I couldn't come up with a topic myself; I liked the randomness of the ideas they would throw at you. In the college books I liked the entire learning process. I wrote my first complete novel at 15 years old (I've never tried to sell and I don't believe I ever would) but I still would do those prompts and reading/writing exercises every day before I began working on my book.

Not only did I learn a lot it also helped me to expand my topics of research and writing into areas I normally wouldn't venture. To this day it has left an everlasting impact on me, and so I've decided I am going to do writing prompts and exercises everyday (I am not sure I will post all of them) once again.

Because I am not going to bring up political stuff on this blog I am going to also be sharing random rants about any and everything. So beware of all of the above =) And no, this post won't have any exercise in it... Just wanted to update anyone who may happen to care lol.  

I Wish Wishes Came True

What does one need in order to feel complete and confident; in order to function fully and be at their finest when working towards their passions and dreams? I believe because each of us have different dreams and passion, it make sense that what people need in this aspect would also differ. However, this blog is dedicated to reaching my dreams and my path along the way and seeing that wishing is better than nothing...

What would it take for me to feel comfortable enough to be able to go after my dreams in a relaxed manner? The question would have to be narrowed down for there are so many things if we are speaking of everything; I'd wish for some normality in my personal/home life. I’d wish that the people I meet and counsel, on or offline, would be blessed and their lives would flourish. I would wish for no more pain, homeless, illnesses, broken homes, etc. I suppose many of us would. Then there’s always money problems, so I'd wish all fears of money and issues it brings along to be gone. I'd wish for more hours in the day and for more strength within me so that I may help more people without growing very weak and sickly.

As for my personal life,